We always knew that we wanted to have children relatively close in age. As we began to settle into life with a young family, we quickly realised that it would be easier in many regards to grow our family whilst we are in the swing of it. After all, we had all the baby stuff and were already having to wake up very early on weekends anyway!
You can never predict how your journey will be when planning your family gaps, and given my job I was fully prepared to encounter difficulties or miscarriages. However we were delighted to fall pregnant and discover that we will hopefully have a 22 month age gap if all goes to plan.
As this pregnancy progresses, I am turning my thoughts to what life will look like with 2 kids under 2. I look at my daughter, who isn’t quite able to understand that her life as she knows it is about to be shattered when we walk in with a new baby!
When I began to wonder if there would be anything I could do to prepare her for this change, I came across Camilla, of www.myparentingsolutions.com on Instagram. She shared with me some amazing advice for handling this transition!
Camilla’s Top Tips:
Even though it is so hard to imagine before baby arrives, many parents of two or more children will tell you how incredible it is that you can so easily and quickly grow to love two or more children at the same time. It may be slightly harder for the children themselves at first, so here are some ways you can help to guide them through.
Tips for what to say to the older child
We tend to want to reassure the older child how great it is going to be, how fun it will be to have someone to play with and that he can help to look after it. All of these things are true but don’t dismiss the downsides as well.
So say things like: ‘When your brother or sister arrives, at first it will all be quite different. Mummy and Daddy will be busy with the baby to start with and sometimes you might feel a bit left out or you might feel like we don’t love you as much.’
It might seem odd to preempt this, but there is so much research to say how valuable it is to validate our children’s feelings. It can prepare them well in advance for a big event to help them manage their emotions when it happens.
Extra parent bonding time
Where possible, nurture the relationship between your partner and the older child. Let them have plenty of special bonding time together without you so that when the baby arrives they are used to being together and can be excited about it.
Managing challenging behaviour
Make sure you tell the older child how much you do love them and how important they are to you. They can demonstrate some pretty testing behaviour before and after the birth.
Don’t feel you are ‘letting them get away with things’ or ‘giving in’ if you minimise conflicts, avoid power struggles or divert their attention when you feel they might be about to kick off or have kicked off.
The period before or after the baby arrives can feel really unsettling to a child and will often trigger behaviour that is more extreme than usual. If you think about it, we often over-react when we are feeling stressed. Kids are the same.
Some practical tips
It is quite common for parents to feel really guilty that they are bringing another baby into the family. Try not to beat yourself up. There are huge upsides to having two (or more) children and you will soon reap the benefits when you see the baby responding with sheer joy to their older sibling!